I’ve wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. My dream began in the same way I expect it does for most young women, with an expectation of the idyllic life. Graduate high school. Go to college. Get a job. Meet “the man of your dreams” and get married. Followed shortly by the house, the children, a dog, and of course, the white picket fence. Not necessarily, but most likely, in that order.
In my personal journey with the Lord, there are two things I love to embrace – continually growing in my intimacy with Him, and learning how to become more like Jesus each day. One cannot happen apart from the other, and both require living a life of intentionality. This journey I am on, and one I have gladly chosen, is a dangerous pursuit. It means abhorring and rejecting a life of apathy, of comfort and ease, and instead opening my arms to the fullness of Christ; not only the incredible joys, but also the suffering. Continue reading
“…Your symptoms indicate you may have multiple sclerosis…” I sat frozen in my ophthalmologist’s office; her words hanging in the air like a dark, foreboding cloud.
“I’m sending you over to the hospital…you need to get an MRI…I’m going to prescribe medication…” And with those words, my world suddenly came to a complete halt. I could hardly comprehend the reality, let alone the speed at which things were happening. Fear started to grip me as the questions flooded my mind. What exactly was MS? What did this mean? How did this happen, and how could this be happening to me? I called my sister, who immediately left home to meet me at the hospital while I went to get the MRI. The news wasn’t good. I was told there were abnormalities. That was June 4, 2005. Continue reading
I lay on my bed; curled up in a fetal position, sobbing tears so heart-wrenching, I could hardly breathe. The pain was so deep that my mind couldn’t comprehend how I would be able to survive past this moment. For the first time, I understood what people meant when they said the pain hurt so bad they wanted to die.
This blog entry is not for the faint of heart. It is real; it is raw, and incredibly transparent. But it is part of my journey with Jesus. It is a story of His emotional healing in me that changed my life, and set the stage for my calling and passion in the ministry of healing.
It’s Sunday morning. I am sitting here in my oceanfront hotel room listening to and watching the waves crash against the shore, I’m breathing in the scent of the salted sea, and I’m basking in the comforting warmth of the fireplace against my arm.
Jesus and I have been on a date since yesterday morning, and my heart is in Heaven.
I know. It probably sounds a bit unusual, doesn’t it? Since I’m often asked about the depth of my relationship with the Lord, I thought it might be helpful to include (in addition to my Journey of Intimacy story), tips I’ve learned that have helped me build a greater intimacy with Him.
I was head-over-heels in love with Jesus. Totally and completely smitten by His love for me.
I was both enamored and befuddled at the same time. Was it truly possible that the Creator of the Universe desired to speak to me so intimately, and with such care and affection? It was admittedly messing with my own paradigm about how I viewed God. He was Someone to be respected and obeyed. Someone to Whom I would constantly repent on the “off chance” I was in sin and didn’t know it. I don’t think I knew how to accept such kindness from the Father. This was the beginning of my personal revelation about my identity; how I viewed myself in relationship to my Heavenly Father, and how I viewed Him as my Heavenly Father.
“Is it possible to hear God’s voice?”
“How do I know if it’s really God speaking?”
“Maybe hearing His voice is only for the ‘super spiritual’.”
If you’ve ever asked these types of questions or had similar thoughts, you are not alone. Whether we know it or not, each of us longs for intimacy; to be loved, accepted and known. At the deepest level of our hearts, we want to believe there is Someone out there who understands and sees us. Our faith in a God who speaks to us personally can often be pre-empted by the fear that we don’t have enough (fill-in-the-blank) to be included in this self-perceived elite category.