I lay on my bed; curled up in a fetal position, sobbing tears so heart-wrenching, I could hardly breathe. The pain was so deep that my mind couldn’t comprehend how I would be able to survive past this moment. For the first time, I understood what people meant when they said the pain hurt so bad they wanted to die.
This blog entry is not for the faint of heart. It is real; it is raw, and incredibly transparent. But it is part of my journey with Jesus. It is a story of His emotional healing in me that changed my life, and set the stage for my calling and passion in the ministry of healing.
I was head-over-heels in love with Jesus. Totally and completely smitten by His love for me.
I was both enamored and befuddled at the same time. Was it truly possible that the Creator of the Universe desired to speak to me so intimately, and with such care and affection? It was admittedly messing with my own paradigm about how I viewed God. He was Someone to be respected and obeyed. Someone to Whom I would constantly repent on the “off chance” I was in sin and didn’t know it. I don’t think I knew how to accept such kindness from the Father. This was the beginning of my personal revelation about my identity; how I viewed myself in relationship to my Heavenly Father, and how I viewed Him as my Heavenly Father.